The challenges we face are real. They’re too real. It’s only natural to want a quick fix, or to escape, or to scream, or to take this all out on someone, or a hundred different things because they make you sick to your stomach. And it doesn’t help when you got to say to yourself that doing the right thing, the hard thing, is the single best thing you can do. Again. Sometimes to just not feel shitty years from now, and sometimes for the next generations. Then this thought crosses your mind, if my kids ever complain about an unimportant late delivery, I’ll probably beat them. You kinda laugh it off, but at the same time, the future looks blacker than a motherfucker.

You look back, and you see that, somehow, you had made this decision over and over again. How many more of this have I got left to do? And for some reason, the good memories and blessings you have do not give you the same type of chills at that moment, even if you somehow manage to count them. You knew it was going to be a lot of pressure when you signed up for all this, but now finding comfort in the hardship feels self-defeating. What’s more, saying “fuck all this” does not seem like an option. What else are you gonna do? you say to yourself, I can’t just throw my hand in the air and act like I don’t care, that’s all it’d be, acting.

Human beings. Never quite managed to live well together. The “this is the way it’s always done” crowd and misfits. That’s what you are, a misfit. You can’t change that fact even if you changed your ways. They won’t accept you. You won’t accept you. Then, if I’m part of that misfit group anyway, I might as well make the best out of it. If finding comfort in the dirt is what I have to do, then be it, bring it. Besides, I have a community.

Unlike some of the movies where the hero figures something out, trains or learns a skill, then beats his opponent right after, this is how it goes sometimes. That’s the last stage. Last scene. Nothing pretty, exotic, or loud. It’s just quiet, internal, and in a way, boring. The other difference is that at the end of the movie, after the comeback, it’s happily-ever-after, when in situations like this, “maintaining” is the highest you’re going to get because there are levels. And life won’t go easy on you.



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