Probably the most depressing thing to remember when you’re going downhill is that the more you wait for good news, the longer it takes to get them. It’s devastating because it’s valid. And then everything seems to be working against you. If you go on long enough, though, you might even stop caring at all about there being some good news, you just feel sorry for yourself. Then you think about all the times you were mistreated, how the conditions were never right for you to rise, “why do immoral people run all the things,” you know the cycle.
But considering that you are serious about all this, what you want is solid and not external, you can’t let that become your story. It might be real, but everybody’s got a sob story. You’ve got to save that for later. Or only for selected a few. Plus, hardly anybody gets fully involved in you being comfortable when you’re a kid, and if you’re not one in a million, you’re not going to get that all of a sudden once you’re out there. It’s safe to say that only things you’ve got are stories of those who are close to you or you know about, God (if that’s your type of thing) and that very limited energy you’ve left. That’s pretty much it. I know we’re getting all gloomy here, but hold on a second.
Those things you already have, they can be quite something. I mean, they are the real deal. To get a true sense of improvement, you’ve got to find a way to remind yourself that you’re not the first to go through it and you’re not going to be the last to go through it. You either reach out to a loved one, or you read/watch something about somebody’s life, you need to feel connected somehow. You pray, talk to God or do whatever form of worship you prefer. That’ll help you acknowledge your limitations, which can be freeing. And last but not least, you take on more responsibility. Yes, more responsibility when you are waiting for the world to give you something. Because you may say you want to hear good news but it’s probably yearning for some improvement in your life. So, do what you can control. Get your things in order. Go for a run. Get a good workout. Or get that rest you need. (Not necessarily in this order, though. Oftentimes, it’s better if you get moving first.)
Next thing you know, you might find that this one thing could get done with a little push. But do those because it’s the right thing to do. If you still secretly want a handout, you’re in that old cycle all over again. It’s a shitshow if you don’t believe you’ve got something to give.